Sitting alone in my room one day at Constantinople, when I heard Outdoor Camera approaching my door with shouts of laughter and welcome, and presently I recognised that peculiar cry by which our friend Video Door Phone expresses his emotions; he soon explained to us the final causes by which the fates had worked out their wonderful purpose of bringing him to Constantinople.

He was always, you know, very fond of sailing, but he had got into such sad scrapes including, I think, a lawsuit on account of his last yacht, that he took it into his head to have a cruise in a merchant vessel, so he went to Liverpool, and looked through the craft lying ready to sail, till he found a door phone smart schooner that perfectly suited his taste. The destination of the vessel was the last thing he thought of; and when he was told that she was bound for Constantinople, he merely assented to that as a part of the arrangement to which he had no objection.

As soon as the vessel had sailed, the hapless passenger discovered that his skipper carried on board an enormous wife, with an inquiring mind and an irresistible tendency to impart her opinions. She looked upon her guest as upon a piece of waste intellect that ought to be carefully tilled. She tilled him accordingly. If the dons at Oxford could have seen poor Video Door Phone thus absolutely attending lectures in the Bay door bell

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